Che's Draft 1 - Controlled.

Starting over completely, because I don't really want to cut the length of the first one down. If you want to read it, it's here http://fattybunny-che.blogspot.com/2011/08/sims-3-fanfiction.html

I'll have a new one posted here soon.

supernatural fanfiction

1. Disney

Dean and Castiel were gays watching Disney porn cartoons at motel. While they tried to do the love-making, Sam and Gabriel walked in and interrupted  them and teased them.

It’s a witty and interesting story which is easy to read and follow. Modern humour was implanted in the characters, it was something different. The dialogues has been well used to create  cheerful, cosy and playful scenes. The story line has been well established with good detail guiding the audience but lack of thrill tension and it is not convincing. 

2. The New God

Castiel wants to be the New God, convincing himself he is superior than others. He is willing to kill anyone who contradicts  him. He is also egotistical and the world would be better when he is the New God despite the fact he is no different than others.                                                   

The story has been well written with good detail illustrating the internal conflict of character. Repetitive language is used to convince the audience, eg. I am a new god, I am a better god.  It’s a story with good imagination catching the audience’s attention from the first line. It’s a thought – provoking story, making readers think what went through the character’s mind.

3.Birthday Troubles

It was a birthday surprise present for Dean although it was four days late.  Watching the Space Shuttle launch! After a cosy, warming pancake breakfast , John, Dean and Sam  went to see the Space Shuttle launch which turned out to be a disaster as the Space Shuttle exploded  while launching.

The writer used the baby language "I hepped", "Space sip", "fwying" to create a light, cheerful astomphere storyline but also composed the mood swing to the tragedy at the end . It was a provoking story which the writer used the Space Shuttle explosion at ending to express that life can't be predicted even if we try to have a normal family day out. The story line captured audience’s attention and encouraged them to read on. It was well told with good description and  imagination which I enjoyed reading . 

4.The price of love

After a day’s hunting with Sam’s mistaking “Bear” as “Dog”, Dean and Sam went to the bar. Dean had left his mobile phone at the Motel and when he turned back, a powerful speeding car tried to kill him.  Sam went to save him without thinking he might get killed.

 It was a  well paced and easy to follow story with detailed description. The writer used the dialogues to express the characters’ emotions.  It was well written with a good storyline, stimulating for the audience to read .

5.Fear

The year’s contract is due.  Dean is afraid he would leave Sam alone despite Sam still trying  to find a loophole in the contract to save his life. He is struggling with his fear as his life nears the end.

This story expressed Dean’s fear and emotions that went through his mind as his life nears the end  .  It symbolized  the character’s internal conflict with repetition of  “ I am scared Sam.", " Really scared." It’s a well paced and well described story. It was a vivid emotional description with perfect structure which would grab audiences'  emotions. I enjoyed reading it.

Che's FanFiction Reviews

I am writing a Sims 3 Fanfic. However as there are no other Sims 3 stories on fanfiction.net, I decided to pick stories to review based on the genre I am going to try and write. Especially as I have never written anything in this genre before. So these stories were found under suspense or horror.



Fighting Against Hope
A Harry Potter fanfiction

This is a brief story based in a world where there has been a 3 year long war between muggles and wizards. It is centred round Draco Malfoy and his coming to terms with muggles finding out about magic, and being able to use guns on wizards faster then wizards can mutter a spell.

I enjoyed reading this fanfic. The writer does a good job of describing Draco’s feelings while also letting us know what has been going on the last few years. She/he repeats a lot of the same kind of words to get across the kind of story it is, eg ‘ruthless’ ‘painful’ ‘alone’. I like how the author uses Draco’s surroundings as a metaphor or symbol of the emotions he’s going through as he replays memories in his head. And I liked most of all the moral at the end of the story when Luna walks in, that it’s important to keep hoping, and that old prejudices don’t matter. “Treasure every moment” because you never know when it might be your last. It wound up the story in quite a (although cliched) beautiful and touching way.




Deep End
A Blood + fanfiction


This fanfiction is written around the idea that Saya eventually succumbs to the blood lust inside her and goes on a killing spree, murdering even her closest companion and also her brother.

The writer of this fanfic does a good job describing the gore Saya issues and the fear that Kai feels. However I find none of it very believable based on the characters that I know from this anime. As much as Haji serves Saya, he would never stand there and let himself be killed just because she wants it.
I also wish that the author had taken the time to fill in the story some flash backs or had alluded to what had brought Saya to this point of manic killing. The story as it is has not enough depth to be entirely interesting on it’s own.







Movie Night Gone Wrong
An Ouran Highschool Host Club Fanfiction



This is a oneshot about the group from Ouran highschool getting together to watch a horror movie but instead watching, they find themselves in one.

I found this story incredibly hard to read for a few reasons. Firstly he/she has the text centred down the middle of the page. And secondly it seems to be a “and then and then” story. It has a lot of dialog so I can understand the tendency to easily slip into that, but any descriptive text also takes on that ‘and then’ form.
The author also uses a lot of words that are not really words like “nomming.” Although I feel that people should be free to write using the mannerisms they wish, I struggle to read it.
It is also poorly edited, with typos such as “adn” and there are a few parts where the story seems to have whole sentences missing so the conversation doesn’t make sense.
She/he did however state that it was their first ever try at writing a fanfiction. I have to give kudos to them for knowing where to put speech marks at least because it’s something I notice is missing in many fanfictions.
Over all though, it was impossible to enjoy reading.


Waiting
A Naruto Fanfic

This is a completely ulterior universe type fanfic where Sasuke is a vampire stalking his prey - Sakura. And in the end he kills her.

I enjoyed this story immensely. They writer has a wonderful way of describing everything with out making it boring. She doesn’t use any words she doesn’t have to. She is to the point. But the story still flows fantastically. This fanfic is well edited and somehow a perfect mix between horror and humor.
One thing going against it though is that, as she says herself, you wouldn’t know it was a Naruto fanfic if she hadn’t had put the name “Sasuke” at the start. It has nothing to do with the Naruto world or the characters we know. But it is still a great story, and I now look forward to going back and reading more of her work.







Just Like His Father
A Vampire Academy Fanfic

In the Vampire Academy series, Christian's parents turn themselves into strigoi, or 'bad vampires'. The series only briefly mentions it a few times. This fanfiction is all about what might have happened at the time. It starts off with his Aunt telling Christian his parents are dead. There is a bit of angst. Later his parents come back to get him so that he can join them as a strigoi. His Aunt then kills his parents.

There are many parts of the Vampire Academy series that I would have liked to have heard more of, and this was one of them. The author of this story covered what might have happened exactly the way I imagined it, so I enjoyed being able to read those events go down.
She/he didn’t however, have very good grammar. It distracted a little from the story. It was also very boring. She/he couldn’t quite delve far enough into how dramatic and emotional watching your parents turn evil, and then be killed would be for a teenager. Or for anyone. She wrote about, but it isn’t real enough, and it didn’t touch me as a reader. I found myself just waiting to get to the end of the story.

My Five Fan Fiction Reviews by TCJ

Beauty and the Beast

This fan fiction delves into the prologue of the ‘Beauty and the Beast’ story and attempts to explain the origins of how The Beast become to be. The story is told from several points of view, it begins with a messenger that had been sent to the king. Following this brief passage we move into the beginning and origins of the Witches’ story, explaining her reasons and methods for cursing The King and his family. The story moves the birth of The Beast and the shock it causes the entire castle culminating in a final confrontation between the King and the Witch.

This was written as a prologue and although brief, goes well into explaining the nature of the kingdom and the curse placed on the Royal Family. The pacing of the story I find enjoyable as it has been whittled down to only the essentials of the story. I like that as a baby The Beast is shown with a good temperament while The King is shown as being selfish and cruel. These are attitudes usually considered part of The Beast makeup giving the thought that the creature he becomes is in part caused by nurture and not nature. Another source of role reversal is that of The Witch. In most contexts is portrayed as being evil, while in this fan fiction it gives a noble sentiment to her actions. I like how this inverts the story slightly and giving it a new perspective on an old tale.

**Whoops. Sorry guys. Still new to this fanfiction.net site. I didn't realize there was more than just the prologue. Just to clarify, my review only covers prologue and not the entire story. Please forgive, and my next will cover the entire story.


Pas de Deux

This is a fluff short story set within The Dresden Files universe. It tells of an interaction between the lead character of the story Harry Dresden and one of his main supporting characters, Karrin Murphey. Their relationship is one of mutual friendship, with the prospect of maybe something more someday. A Wandering Minstrel's story covers a small interaction between these two characters when one is in a different getup then they otherwise would wear. Karrin having just come from a formal police event and in a dress, stops by Harry's to drop of his latest police consultants fee.

When I first read this story I felt the need to rip it to shreds based on the inaccuracies it shows of the author's knowledge of the source material. A simple thing such as Harry was an orphan from the age of six. He had no uncle and his mother died in child birth. This would never have allowed some of the things that was said to be possible. Murphy's description of her college's and the way they would view her goes against type that Jim Butcher set up with this verse. As an avid fan of the series I wanted to tear into this story and demolish it.

I stopped and calmed down and forced myself to step back and re-read it again. Once this was done I could see the story for what it was. A cute and 'fluff' piece done showing a new side to the characters relationship. Written within the same style, and tone that you would find in any of the novels. The story, when taken in that context was a welcome and could be forgive for the inaccuracies it showed. I did end up enjoying the work and felt that in all it was a enjoyable look into a rare quiet day within the characters lives.


True Beauty: The Retelling of Rapunzel

Rapunzel, is the story of a young girl given up at birth as payment to an enchantress for sparing her father’s life, after he has been found stealing from the enchantress’s garden. Raised by the Enchantress she is trapped in a tower from the age of twelve until rescued by a prince.

BittersweetHearts08 telling of this tale comes from the perspective of Rapunzel herself. In this telling it is known by most how to get Rapunzel’s tower and the pass phrase that allows Rapunzel to let down her hair. With many men coming to her “rescue” Rapunzel would play out the role expected of her. Rapunzel laments on the repetitiveness of her life and the boredom and stupidity of the man that come to rescue her. All only interested in the beauty of her features, and not caring for Rapunzel herself. This leads to the idea that if rescued she would be a trophy. One to be shown and paraded with no thought or care to her own needs. When one prince almost succeeds Rapunzel has had enough and with a final act defiance, she berates they would-be savoir and cast him off by cutting her hair herself thus trapping herself in the tower but teaching the world that beauty is more than being skin deep.

While in itself I did enjoy reading the piece I didn’t like the overall message to me it displayed. While Rapunzel was well constructed the males in the world were treated as vapid, one-dimensional fools. I find it hard to believe that anyplace that has ‘How to Charm Ladies 101’ would not teach that women are more than facial beauty. I felt that it should have been explored why if she did have scissors all this time, she had never cut off her hair before or tried to escape and live her own life. She was as much a part of the problem as the princes. Also with no hair, how does she get food or water or any provisions up into her tower?


All That Glitters

In the end of book six of The Dresden Files, Harry not only finds out he has a brother but gets him as a roommate. This changes his lifestyle from one of solitary to a more domesticated one. The next book jumps a year in their future with never truly covering the adjustment period of the two. All That Glitters by Lyra Ngalia shows one aspect of this adjustment period. In Lyra's story, Harry and Thomas have come home after Harry found his brother half naked feeding off the psychic energy of women in a alleyway during the act of sex. Most disturbing, was the fact Thomas was covered in glitter. We learn that Thomas was disguising himself as a vampire from the 'Twilight' novels as a ruse to seduce his victims.

I loved this story, for not only poking a bit of fun at the 'Twilight' series but for allowing it to show the foolishness of people in the Dresden Verse as being almost as silly as the ones in our own. I liked that this was in very general terms a crossover piece. Allowing the author to bring one fictional series into another while keeping true to both and not allowing the story to devolve into too much folly. By keeping the idea of 'Twilight' as books also helpd with keeping a sense of realisum to the peice.

The start of the story was a little confusing as it didn't make too much sense until I had completed the story. I thought that the initial set up of the story could have been done better as to begin with I had no idea where we were or what had just happened. After a time it did pick up its pacing and revel itself into a wonderful little gem of a story. All in all I was quiet impressed and would like to read more from this author.


Not So Little Red Riding Hood

This is a retelling of the Little Red Riding Hood stories. This version is one of the funniest that I have read. It combines elements of both innocence and maturity into the tale. This gives such a simple story added dimensions, allowing the reader to enjoy Chibi Koneko's version of this tale on multiple levels. This is demonstrated well with the idea that the Grandpa is not only physically sick, but also 'sick' in the sense that he is an embodiment of the 'Dirty Old Man' stereotype.

The tale begins as standard but soon the changes are well noticed further we get into the story. The first change we notice is that Red Riding Hood in now “twenty-three years old” but still has the intelligence of a younger girl. This can be shown in her lack of fear of the 'Son of The Big Bad Wolf' and continual use of "kitty" to describe him. We learn also tale that this tale is modernized somewhat and set within the last 120 years. This time frame can be claimed as cars have only been mass produced since 1902 (according to Wikipedia). Another big shift is the gender bases for two of the characters. This has allowed the author to switch the usual Grandma role into a
Grandpa and make the Huntsman into a “Hunts(wo)man”.

In my opinion I found this Fan Fiction story very humorous and well crafted. There was a natural flow to the writing with enough narrative to allow me to visualize the piece clearly in my imagination. The story did make me 'laugh out loud' at certain points with a series of running jokes well placed throughout the story. These included the idea of the Wolf being called or referred to as 'kitty' by all characters, Red as being simple or naive, and Grandpa's sickness having multiple meanings.

Isaac's Five Reviews

Tales From The Fruit Bowl

Harry Potter.
Taking off from the end of book seven, we get a inside look at an average morning of the Potter household through the eyes of Ginny's Pygmy Puff, Arnold. This one shot story gives a little taste of what married life is like for Harry and Ginny, and their family.

The author was clearly trying to recreate an atmosphere similar to that of the Burrow (The Weasley family home) from the original books series, which, despite the original point of view, I found a bit predictable. Dialog between characters was rather wooden, and often didn't convincingly sound like something the original characters would have said.

Because I'm Leaving

Harry Potter.
Death Eaters, Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange are married, but not emotionally, as the Dark Lord has slowly but surely driven a wedge between the pair. Rodolphus Lestrange attempts in vain to convince himself that Bellatrix will eventually see the love that he still holds for her, despite her obvious lack of love for him, and realize her infatuation with Voldemort is never going to eventuate into the relationship she so desires from him.

Because I’m Leaving You gave a rather realistic view of the emotions Rodolphus might well be feeling in his situation, and was written quite convincingly. The original series never gives any in depth look into the relationship between the so called couple, thus the author had a lot of space for creativity, which I thought they wasted by going the obvious, yet still convincing, route of Bellatrix simply being in awe of her master, Lord Voldemort.

Prince of Darkness

The Bible.
This particular fan fiction was based upon Satan from The Bible. Satan, or Lucifer as he goes by, has been cast down into hell by God. During his stay, Satan questions the actions of his past, while also plotting his revenge against those who have wronged him.

My first complaint against this fan fiction is that half way through it changed from a poem into a story. I found this quite confusing and strange. My second complaint is that the author continually added extra information and personal opinions, in parenthesise, next to their sentences. This was extremely annoying, and almost patronizing at points. Complaints aside, I found the poetry was well written, and the portrayal of characters accurate and fitting.


Absolution

Atonement.
Absolution is based on novel/film Atonement. Miss Tallis is in hospital on her death bed. She is visited by Isabelle, a nurse, who she believes is her older sister Cecilia. In her confusion, Miss Tallis queries “Cecilia” on whether or not Cecilia, and Robbie, have seen, and enjoyed, her play. Miss Tallis also asks “Cecilia” if she truly forgives her.

I really enjoyed this short story. The author was extremely creative in creating this storyline, which mimicked a part of the original Atonement, only this time Miss Tallis was the patient instead of the nurse comforting the suffering. Isabelle, the sympathetic nurse, didn’t seem out of place and had a convincing train of thought. Miss Tallis also had convincing dialog, which really showed the negative effects of her dementia and her lifelong guilt.



Fighting Against Hope

Harry Potter
This story shares the almost hopeless thoughts of Draco Malfoy. As the story unravels, we slowly learn that the muggle world discovered the magical world and began a war to eradicate the magical world. Draco looks back on his life and ponders all the decisions he made and could have made. Draco’s former enemy, Luna Lovegood, makes a surprise appearance at the end, concluding that Draco had been waiting for her, as he has done many times before.

Draco has clearly been affected by the war; his former proud and arrogant nature has long since been eradicated due to the war and the new alliances it had caused him to build. The almost defeated nature of Draco, was convincing and interesting to read. I liked that the author still retained some of Draco’s snobby attitude; keeping the original character intact. I thought the lynch-mob like behaviour of muggles towards the magical word was reminiscent of the witch hunts that took place in medieval Europe, making the story more realistic. The Douglas MacArthur quote was also a nice, and fitting, start to the story.